my phone needs a breathalizer
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
