At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
