i jhust puked up my retainher.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
