The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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