Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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