Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
