If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
