I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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