I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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