you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Life is so much better after having sex.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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