You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
