took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
