Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
