you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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