I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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