Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
