Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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