I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
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