True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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