it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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