I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
