did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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