I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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