He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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