My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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