Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
