Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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