Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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