yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
