i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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