Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The air was thick with penises
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
