The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
