I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
