this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
