She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
