Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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