I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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