I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
