I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
A bitchslap is in order.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
