There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
