yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
