I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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