Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
