At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
