so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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