just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
