I wish you could order shots online.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
