Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
