Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
