My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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