Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
